Siblings at Birth
Image by Brezi Merryman of my daughter supporting me during the birth of my son
As a birth doula and birth photographer in Colorado Springs, I LOVE seeing siblings help welcome their little brother or sisters earthside. From children rubbing their mama’s back to telling her how strong she is, it is always so great to watch! I was lucky enough to have my super supportive four year old daughter at the birth of her little brother in 2019. I wanted to answer some common questions some moms may have about it and bring up some points that may help you choose whether or not you want your children there.
How do you prepare them?
Preparation is KEY. I find that telling the truth about everything happening is usually the best way to handle things. Kids are more resilient than you think and they can handle it! For me, we talked about all the the body parts and what their job was in the birth. I told her baby would be coming out of my vagina, my uterus was ‘squeezing’ baby out with a hug like movement that wasn’t comfortable for me. We talked about how mommy may yell or cry because of the pain, but I would be okay. We also talked about what to say or do. My daughter did a wonderful job rubbing my back and telling me to breathe during each wave. Talking about the immediate postpartum is important too! Most of the time when kids see blood, they think “boo-boo,” so it’s important for them to know that bleeding postpartum is okay and even good. Also, warning them that a whole organ will come out of the body is a good idea because that can be kind of shocking. Explaining to them what the placenta does and why is comes out could help them understand better and not be too freaked out.
But what if I transfer to the hospital?
This is one of those things every homebirth mom has to prepare for at least a little. Whether you have a family member or friend on stand-by or a plan for a birth partner to stay with your other children or even a sibling doula, having someone there to help out is always a good idea. Preparing the children ahead of time for this too is important.
What if I have a long labor?
Having a sibling doula there to help keep the kids entertained and distracted while you labor is a great idea! The sibling doula can help them understand everything that is going on as well so that your birth team and family can focus on you. Having different activities planned for them to keep them distracted is a good idea too. Sometimes joining them in the activities is a good way to keep distracted during labor as well.
What if they get scared?
Fear is normal! That is why preparation is key. Letting them know that they can step away at any time is important though. Birth shouldn’t be a traumatic thing for anyone involved. Having them come back after baby is born is fine!
Birth videos are a great way to prepare them. Finding videos that not only show the calm, but also the chaotic can help them be fully prepared for whatever your labor shows them. Pictures of the placenta or baby’s head coming out can prepare them for the parts that could otherwise be overwhelming. Videos where other siblings are involved at births as well can show them that this is normal. It is normal to help mama through her birth and watch their sibling come earthside. It is extravagant.
Anything else you want to know? I would love to hear your thoughts and answer any questions you may still have!