Needing Support is OKAY

Conversations with others as passionate as I can definitely get heated. I am reminded daily of why I became a doula every time I look into my daughter’s eyes. She is my why. Her birth opened up my eyes to what could be changed for the better throughout the birthing community.

Speaking with other women who work with ladies through their pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, it becomes more and more apparent how needed and truly important this line of work is. It is not just there to help someone have a great experience. Every time one woman has a great experience, it further helps the world progress into a more supportive time. There was once a time where women would birth with other women surrounding them in their home. All the women would praise the mama and tell her how well she was doing and how strong she was. We have advanced in some areas, but we have also stepped back in others. We have learned how to support better and how to truly make a woman’s experience the best it could be, but then we have stepped away from supporting a woman at the same time. More often than not, you do not see a birth where the mother is surrounded by many other women who are giving her an outpouring of love. We are in an era that mothers listen to what their doctors tell them to do, there is a restriction on how many people are allowed around the mother while she is laboring and giving birth, and the mother is checked in on every couple minutes to hours…

Now I’m not saying this makes a negative experience for women, some women want that, but others are just scared to ask for the support or question their care provider’s opinions. Why is support so scary to ask for though? Are we this far away from supporting one another that we are becoming scared to admit that we are not all super-human and need support?

It isn’t just during birth either. It is through all walks of life, but it is more exaggerated around women’s baby making times. Whether it be with infertility, miscarriages, birth, postpartum depression, breastfeeding… I could go on and on. Why is it that these things have become such “taboo” topics that we can’t even ask for the support.

I met with a woman who offers art-therapy to women throughout their pregnancies and postpartum. This is such a great form of therapy. It is a way to escape. But because the word “therapy” is in the title, it is often avoided.

Women… pregnancy, birth, and postpartum is fucking hard. There’s no other way of putting it. It is hard to go through so many changes in such a short amount of time and it is more than okay to ask for the help. It is more than okay to say, “Holy shit… this is hard.” I guarantee you aren’t the only one. Some people have it easier than others, but all the issues that you are facing… you probably are not the only one.

I suppose that what I am getting at is that it is good and I encourage you to ask for the support. Because going through things alone is not recommended. Especially during such a vulnerable part of life. What you are experiencing is probably more common than you think.

Also, if someone comes to you for support, do not downplay what they are going through. Everyone experiences things differently. Please remember that. We all need support at some point. Just because we aren’t babies getting our diapers changed and our butts wiped anymore does not take the amount of support we need away. Whether it’s just a hug, or just listening to what they have to say… every little bit of support helps.